lilac

patience is a virtue

Man is the cruelest animal.

Can you see the pain?

And a lion, a lion, roars would you not listen?

please be patient

where we love is home - home that our feet may leave, but not our hearts

Shadows settle on the place, that you left.

I am human therefore I ache

With every goodbye you learn

 After a while you learn the subtle difference
Between holding a hand and chaining a soul,
And you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning
And company doesn’t mean security,
And you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts
And presents aren’t promises,
And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes open
With the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child,
And you learn to build all your roads on today,
Because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans,
And futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.

After a while you learn
That even sunshine burns if you get too much.
So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul,
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure...
That you really are strong,
And you really do have worth.
And you learn and learn...
With every goodbye you learn. 

Veronica A. Shoffstall

The soul has illusions as the bird has wings: it is supported by them.

And please do not hurt me, love, I am a fragile one

Tonight I'll be dreaming of you

I have a theory, a theory which says everyone has that one person he will forever cling to – no matter how long the relationship lasted or how intensive it was. We call them kryptonite-people, they are our weak spots. Whenever you see them or just hear their name, you fall under their spell again. Or at least you feel that special stitch in your heart, that stitch you only feel thinking about your kryptonite.

We would do anything for those people, no matter how much we enjoy our lives or how good our relationships and jobs seem to be, if they suddenly stood in front of our houses, we would open the doors, ignoring how hurt we felt previously. We would pack our bags and run away, to the end of the earth and further – we would drop anything just to be with them.

Even I have my kryptonite, which makes my heart ache from time to time. But it's okay, that I don't really matter, even if I would drop anything. It's been years and nothing changed, he hit that weak spot from the very beginning but I never dared to expect something. Probably he doesn't even know that he is my weak spot, doesn't have a clue of the impact he has. But it's okay, that I feel that stitch in my heart now and then. Maybe he will always be my kryptonite even if I can't explain why. 

The previous text is not mine and I advise you to read the original here. I simply translated and altered the first two paragraphs in order to make it more coherent and suitable for my blog's concept, the third is written by myself.

“Calm - indeed the calmest - reflection might be better than the most confused decisions” — Kafka, The Metamorphosis

This is the same bug a few days later, obviously hurt. It's kinda creepy because we are just reading The Metamorphosis in german class and I've never seen such an iridescent thing before, As I wrote an exam about it today, I now introduce you to Gregor Samsa, the not so monstrous vermin, visiting my terrace twice. 

I have so much of you in my heart.

She had eyes like sunsets, and every time she blinked it felt like the end of the world, otherwise known as night.

an essential aspect of creativity is not being afraid to fail

Dear nonexistent readers, 

if you stumbled over this blog, I welcome you. I am glad you found your way to this piece of small-time art. In the following I am going to introduce myself, if you are not interested: just keep scrolling :-) 

My name is Rebecca and I live next to Cologne (North Rhine Westphalia, Germany). I grew up as something between a city and a village child, I appreciate both. I turned eighteen this summer, which means a lot more independence, but more responsibility as well. As I am going to finish school next spring, a question became more urgent: What am I going to do with my life? I had an elaborated plan for years, I wanted to study Biology in the North of Germany, graduate as a Master of Marine Biology and become a member of some research institute. Especially the chance to benefit nature was an aspect I valued. Someday I randomly realised that this is not me, that I would not be happy with my choice afterwards.

It racked my mind that I suddenly had no plan after years of certainty. I felt overchallenged and helpless. I always had the impression that I either had to choose money or happiness. Becoming a yoga or surf teacher is no option, neither is being an office management assistant. I felt pressured (maybe by society?) because I always felt like I had to have a plan. Apart from that I was told that art never is an option. “You cant even earn your subsistence being an artist.” surely represents society’s opinion of art and even if I have no idea of job market, everyday work and utilities I think its not accurate. I know that the job market is dominated by competition in all industries, which means I cannot be sure that I would earn my subsistence as a office management assistant as well. But I can be sure that favouring happiness instead of expensive clothes is the right decision. 

Art has always been a passion, everything about it has always impressed me, no matter which form. Music, paintings, sculptures, books, photos, drawings - they all carry something special, something that can move. It is obvious that I painted, wrote, read, drew, took photos and even played music several hours over the years, creating my very own art. Art with which I can maybe touch people as well, even if it is only just worth viewing I want to share these little pieces of art. After feeling overchallenged and helpless for too long I decided that studying photography is a reasonable plan for my future. I know that it not will be easy, that it maybe is a bit naïve, that there will be ups and downs, but I will be happy doing it, even if I struggle earning my subsistence. I am willed to invest blood, sweat and tears as art is a labour of love for me and being able to finance my life with it a dream. After a too long time I picked my camera up again and created this page in order to express myself, document my development, sort my thoughts and maybe even impress.

If you really read all those words describing an ordinary struggle up to this point, you are great. Thank you. 


LOVE
Rebecca